I wrote this, off the cuff, on July 4, 2006, and although I've tweaked the words a bit, I think it's still just as good as it was when I first wrote it.

People fought for our freedom,
Life and Liberty,
As this world keeps moving around,
The more changes that I see.
The rich get richer, less taxes from their pockets,
The poor, they're poorer, money yanked from them like plugs yanked from sockets.
Kids killing kids, over things they shouldn't be.
Battles for rights, stopping violence, terrorism, crime, war
Hoping peace could be the key.

We still may have oppression, war and lots of dead
And plenty of bad things goin' 'round, that I'd rather stay in bed.
But instead I'll get up, get dressed and go outside
Meet up with my friends, and go along for a ride
To meet with other friends, to play and have some fun
To celebrate what so many died for, under the warm, summer sun.
Hope to see some fireworks, too, to light up the evening sky.
Then back home to rest the very next day, since I know today'll fly.

Today I'll drink my Pepsi, and offer up my libation,
To those who fought, lived, and died for us, in this our free nation.

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy July 4th.

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Haven't really posted here in a long while. Been having so many varied thoughts about things since my birthday, and no idea how to put them down in words like I used to. But maybe today I'll try.

I've been going on a few first dates since my birthday, and since signing up to plentyoffish.com. I've met three new people, been stood up once, and may be meeting a few more soon. It feels strange, this whole meeting new people thing. Suddenly, it seems, I've been come...desirable? Me? The one who hasn't been on a date, or anything even resembling a date in years? Like I said, it feels strange. I have no idea where any of this will lead to, and I'm not all bummed out like I used to get if something doesn't quite work. I'm not complaining - not by any means. Just after being in a long-term rut for so long, all this new attention has caught me way off guard. Go figure.

One of the people I've met mentioned during our first meeting that I ought to try doing stand-up comedy, since he and I went back and forth with comments and such, and had him laughing and contemplating things from my slightly skewed perception. I've actually been told that before, to try stand-up, by various people over the last few years. But I went down to an open mic night this past Monday, and knew there was no way I could do that. What I do is banter, and feed off of others' words or actions and they feed off me. I self-depreciate, which in one way is wrong, but it's a defense mechanism. I am also a storyteller...a teller of tales. To get up on a stage, cold, and try to make people laugh, and in about 2 minutes...no way. I'll stick to what I do, and how I do it.

I think I've almost beaten an old habit of nailbiting. I've been trying to grow my nails out for the last 2 months-ish. It feels strange having nails after never letting them really grow, and that feeling of having something stuck under my nails...gah! Still getting used to that. Also getting used to wearing nail polish. It's like I'm becoming more girly or something. Jeez, when the hell did that happen...?

The idea of going to the bar to see everyone is starting to grate on me again. It's not the first time this has happened, but the sour feeling of going to that drama-laden hole is stronger than it has been. It's sad, really. Isn't there a Friday or Saturday night where friends can go out for an ENTIRE evening, and not ONCE set foot in that place? The thing that hurts is that I've had a lot of people agree with me, but oh surprise-surprise, guess where they wind up? I remember last summer, putting out word earlier in the week of wanting to gather people and go up to Hampton Beach on a Friday or Saturday night and spending the evening there, and not getting a single response...because everyone went to the bar instead. Is drinking alcohol and getting buzzed or drunk THAT important, so much so that you can't break routine for even ONE night? I'd like to get a bunch of people together and hit Fire + Ice down in Harvard Square. It'd be a cool change from the same boring routine, and be FUN do to something different!! But, guaranteed, no one will want to go, and come up with some lame-ass reason - too expensive (bullshit - you'd actually spend LESS money than you would on the booze you'd be drinking!!! And FYI, it's only $16.95 per person at Fire + Ice, and it's all you can eat!!), too long of a drive (what a hackneyed answer!!), blah blah, wahh wahh waaahh...

I can't handle another stagnant summer. The beach, the movies, dinner at some NEW places other than Denny's... c'mon!!! Something, ANYTHING, other than the bar, or any other bar.

Heard Roomie's alarm go off, and get shut off, but no sounds of any other movement. Not a good sign. He hears me, and thank GODS he's fine. He hears me doing stuff, and asks me what's going on. I tell him, and he thinks it's funny!! Then the fucker starts going "Braaaains...brraaaaaiiiins..." No no no!! None of that shit!! I think I'm gonna hafta keep an eye on him. This could turn bad.

Still no sounds of kids...and no bird noises, either. Seem to be more cars...I'll be venturing out soon, AFTER I grab my throwing crosses and blades...

I have a feeling something was up last night. I noticed when I got out of work, rather late, that it was a touch humid, and that there was a strange smell in the air. That upturned earth and decay smell...kinda like last year. There's a cemetary right across the street from my work, and even though it was dark, I could have sworn I saw something moving, and it was too big to be an animal. Gods, I hope the girls in the Java Room got out ok if this is what I think it is. My car seemed to be a bit sluggish, like I couldn't get away quick enough...

When I stopped at the GB, at one point, a bunch of girls (at least I *think* they were girls), got up to sing Baby Got Back, but it sounded rather monotone... Some of the patrons seemed to be shuffling around a bit, and not necessarily that drunken shuffle, either. Fencer noticed that, too. When they turned the lights on at the end of the night, I saw that some of the patrons didn't look right. I said a few goodbyes, and left. Got back here, and crashed out.

Now, here it is, Saturday morning, the sun is out...and there are NO kids outside playing or making some kind of noise. Usually, the kids are outside by 8am-ish, but this morning, nothing but city noises, and even those sounds don't sound the same...

Zombies VS. NHRD...

Could make for an interesting day...

BLITEOTW info...

I'm looking for opinions on the different GPS devices out there...suggestions/recommendations are welcome, too!! Anyone? Anyone?

X-posted on my Facebook and MySpace...

This weekend, Tournaments of Creathorne 16 marks my 15th year in the Realms. I have nothing even *remotely* packed, let alone ready. The game, as it were, has slowly been losing its allure with me for more than a few years now. From what I can see, the IC/OOC line is more skewed than ever, and the drama makes soap operas look like cartoons. The game is no longer fun. The familiar faces are all but gone, and the new faces seem so young. Most of the people I once considered my heros are no longer a part of the game.

There used to be a time when I used to look forward to the event weekends, and couldn't wait to get my car packed and be gone, off to an adventure, forgetting mundane life for a few days. Now, not so much. I *do* want to go to events, but it all seems to be the same. Different weekend, same event, just with it's name changed. Maybe I've gotten as far as I can. I've been a powerful healer and alchemist, a Baroness, a High Priestess twice, a Knight, a member of a few High Councils, an old-school, long-standing member of the Church of Chaos, a storytelling bard of sorts and in another character, a fryin' pan-weildin', elf-fetishist Ork. That sounds like enough, dunnit? I don't know. Maybe it's just some kind of funk that sets in this time of year with me now. *shrug* I don't know.

There are other things going on this weekend, besides ToC16 and the other event. Cliff (Wyld Chyld) has a band and they're doing a big show up in Orange, NH this weekend that I've been invited to. There's going to be a Beltaine Festival/celebration at A Sacred Place up in Canaan, NH this weekend. There's a cookout at Dougie's. Different things. I don't know anymore.

But knowing me, I'll probably wind up at Little Creathorne Farm again at some point, like I have for the last 14 years. And it'll be a pretty good time, like it usually is.

Happy birthday, goddamnit!!

Love and miss you, doll!!

I hope all the Moms on my friends list have a very Happy Mother's Day...

Today would have been my parents' 40th wedding anniversary... Happy anniversary, Dad. Love you and miss you.

After ups, downs, in-betweens, and a few obstacles, I'm finally in my new place. I'm still in Manchester, and I've moved in with gcyogi and Eric and their goofy feline, Loki. Meg let me take Guido, since he'd bonded to me, and he's adjusted pretty well, I think. He's taken to burrowing under my blankets and stuff at night (which he never did with me before), and apparently acts like my guardian when I'm in the shower (he guards the bathroom door when I'm in there...weird, I know). Most of my things are in place, and although there are still more than a few boxes still yet to be unpacked, I've gotten pretty settled. My bookcase didn't survive the move, so I'll be getting a new one at some point soon. For now, all of my books and my games are still in their boxes stacked up in one corner of the room. My once-thought-to-be-tossed headboard has gotten a new life. The kitchen still needs to be worked on, and I'm thinking that Jen and I can try to do that tonight.

Work's been getting busier, and pairing that with this whole move debacle, the whole thing's been kicking my ass. But it's all over, and hopefully, things will return to (ab)normal soon. I'll be able to get back to my projects, and finish the things that have been sitting far too long.

Too brief an update, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to check in. For those that want it, here's my new address...

28 Ferry St. #2
Manchester, NH 03102

Errands to run, stuff to still unpack...I'm out. :)

I'm glad and relieved that the yard sale is over. Didn't hardly make squat, not even enough for a full tank of gas for my car. My tent is still up for grabs, and I'm a little sunburnt. I think I may crash out for a few hours, then head over to watch the Skate Free or Die! Derby Girls and maybe over to Derry if I'm still up for it.

I'm just glad it's over.

It's not something I do much of anymore, really, that whole "sleep" thing. Unless my body hijacks itself and I go unconscious for a few hours. I've also come to realize that I don't really dream anymore. Didn't Cinderella sing "A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"? I've given up on wishes, and wishing. Mine are apparently unrealistic, and will never happen anyways, so why would I want to continue to try? To hurt myself more than I have already? To give myself something to hope (for nothing) for? Screw that.

I give up. I'm tired of trying. I'm so sick of hearing "Don't worry, things will get better/work out/etc..." Will they? Really? I get my hopes up when things show some sign of improving, and when it crashes or blows up in front of me, all I'll see is that it was a waste of my time and my energy. And there's no one to catch me when I fall - and don't sit there and say "Wait, I do!!" You don't. You watch and see what'll happen next. When I finally ask for help, ANY help in ANY form, it seems I get nothing. Maybe a little here and there, but it's almost like pulling fucking teeth otherwise. I didn't realize that I'm such a goddamned inconvenience. Maybe I ought to just stay the fuck away.

Doesn't matter anyways, right? Right.

I've been in THE best mood lately, despite the tiredness. The excitement of moving into a new place, having a new roommate, making some good changes in my little life...Get half of my stuff moved on Sunday...and then...

Ka-FLOOEY...

It's over in an instant.

My moving plans have fallen through. Knife Boy got an offer earlier today to move into a house with his best friend and his wife, and he's jumped at the chance. He has sworn to help get my things moved again, and to make sure I'll be safe, so in all honesty, he's not a dick. At least I was told BEFORE I was moved in completely and set up and stuff. I'm not crying or pissed off or anything. More like, I dunno, numb, I guess. Let down is another one. I was really looking forward to this.

But now I'm stuck. I don't know what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to go. Looks like I'll start all over again tomorrow. Anyone looking for a roommate?

I honestly think I've made progress today. It turns out I'll have a LOT to actually toss out - more than I realized. Ishanna and her daughter (OMG she's gotten TALL!!) came over today, and helped get 99.99% of my stuff out of the shed. The only thing that's left in there is my tent, and once I get access to the new duffle bag I bought, that'll be out, too. The upstairs is LOADED with boxes and stuff - it's downright chaotic in there. But like I said - I have a lot to toss out, and I'm trying to keep that all on one side of the upstairs. My bed is covered with stuff from my closet, so I've been sleeping on the couch.

I still have a LONG way to go. I'll be picking up gcyogi tomorrow morning, and hopefully hijacking the new roomie and his truck at some point to actually MOVE stuff this time. I'm still looking for extra hands and anyone with a truck or a van to help get stuff to the new place.

Man, the trash guys are gonna love us this week...

I'm actually starting to look forward to moving. A new place, new experiences, things can only get better, I think. Not that there's anything really wrong NOW, mind you.

My soon-to-be roomie (called Knife Boy for now), as it turns out, has been around before. He's been to fight practice before (he'd gone a couple of times with Rel - you remember her, folks, right?), and, as I found this out last night, he knows the Midian folks. But I don't think he's been to an event yet (although he's heard about Creathorne), and I think he may be interested in getting involved with the game. Who knows...if he's interested enough, it just might get me back into playing again. We've talked about a lot of different things already, and we've both barely scratched the surface. We're both already building a level of trust, and making plans to go and do things together. I don't believe he's been to Faire yet (yay new blood!!), and we both want to work on becoming a bit more in shape. I already know that one thing will help - the 4 flights of stairs (5, if you count the stairs from the sidewalk to the front door of the building) that I'll be climbing every day. Hopefully it'll build my endurance a bit (albeit slowly), and be a bit of therapy for my knees, too.

I have a long way to go before I'm completely packed. The way my work is going, I'm getting home closer to sunset, and that doesn't leave really any time for me to get into the shed and go through the boxes and toss stuff out, or sort stuff to be sold at the yard sale we want to have next Saturday. I'm back to doing this stuff by myself, and it's been a real pain in the ass. I need help. LOTS of help. I'm really hoping to do this move in stages, as in moving the things that I'm not using (including one of my bureaus, my TV, and my bookcase upstairs), and getting it done that way. I've been bringing home boxes, and I've been yoinking the tape gun from work until I find mine.

I could really REALLY use a hand or three in getting things sorted, packed, and brought to my new place. I'd like to make some attempt at headway this weekend, and take advantage of whatever dry weather we get so I can get the things out of the shed, tossed out or sorted, and things brought to the new place, but I can't do it alone. If anyone has some time this weekend, and maybe has a truck or a van to move some of the furniture and boxes, can you help me out? Please? Thanks...

Yeah, you've read that right. For those not in the know, I'll be moving out of my current address in Manchester and making a new place home soon. pyrthalax will be moving in to the house, and Meg feels that it'll be too cramped here with three adults and 3 cats (he's got a kitteh, too), and since they'd already been discussing living together, well, yeah. So, it's time for me to find another place to live. Packing has *kinda* started-ish, but I need to really go through the boxes of my things and actually throw stuff away. Roomie and I are also probably going to do a yard sale in the near future to maybe get a little money for things that may of actually be of use to someone else. Couldn't hurt. She's offered to let me take Guido, since he's really bonded to me, and there's concern that he may not get along well with the new kitteh.

But contrary to popular beliefs, and after a LOT of thought and discussion, and more thought, I'm not going to move back to Nashua. I can't. I like it very much here in Manchester. And despite the obvious advantages of moving back to Nashua, I'm sorry. I just can't. I know feelings will be hurt, but it's something I honestly couldn't pass up. I'll be moving a bit farther into the city, and it'll actually put me very close to where shadez69, perkeyone, elizabethdracu and truelothar live, as in literally around the corner from them. The place is on the third floor, and the room is going to be the biggest bedroom I've ever been in. My soon-to-be roomie and I have hit it off quite well, and have realized that we are both chatterboxes when we get together. We have a number of things in common, we have things we can both learn from each other, and new things we want to share and expose the other to. We've made plans already to do things together once I've moved in as well, including, but not limited to, going to the gym, Ren faires, and things like that. This will be a Good Thing™, and another chance for me to grow some more.

That being said, I'm looking for anyone who may be around to help me go through my things, help me pack, and start making the transition from one place to another. I'm hoping to be in the new place BEFORE ToC Memorial Day weekend, so that doesn't really leave me with all that much time, seeing as I've also got projects at work backing up that I need to get rolling on. But if anyone can lend a hand, I'd love it.

I don't know why I continue to patronize the Grand Buffet.

I don't drink, and I just plain don't have fun there. Yes, it's nice to see people, but otherwise, I'm bored outta my gourd!! I wander around, maybe talk a little, but otherwise, I'm bored. Watching other people dance, drink, sing (or made horrible attempts to sing)...it just isn't cuttin' it. My alternative as of late is to just go home, where the only thing waiting for me there are two goofy felines, and where I'll eat when I get bored there, too, or fall asleep on the couch.

I don't really know what to do anymore, and that bothers me.

I can legally drive again!!!

W00T!!!