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Things and thoughts and stuff...

It feels like something's wrong with me.  Not physically, but emotionally and psychologically.  The last few days, I've been bursting into tears at the drop of a hat.  And just as quickly, it stops.  I'll have little waves like this on and off over the course of the day.  I don't think it's hormonal, and not sure if it's because the anniversary of Teresa's death is coming up (it's on Tuesday).  It could be from working so much, or facing another winter season pretty much alone.   I really don't know what the cause is.  All I know is that I'm not liking this, and I can't afford to see a professional (I don't really want to see a doctor, since I REALLY don't want someone to prescribe me some drug to turn me numb).

Loneliness always gets me.  It always makes me think that I'm some kind of freak or something.  I know I'm not a typical person, and I don't try or want to be. I don't think I'm ugly. I admit, I DO need help with some things.  I suck at doing makeup, and I don't have a lot of fancy clothes.  I've asked openly for help, and have gotten none, and that does not bode well.  Sometimes I think about things I ought to change about me and see if THAT helps.  Apart from my weight, sometimes I think that maybe if I drank or something.  I don't know to do.  I'm seeing people all around me getting into relationships, or getting engaged or married, and all I hear in my head is "What the hell is wrong with me???"


Someone tell me, please.  What the HELL is wrong with me?

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
ladyskada
Nov. 14th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Nothing's wrong with you, hun. I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. Wish I could help. But just know that I (and many others) love ya.
gcyogi
Nov. 14th, 2010 05:13 pm (UTC)
The only thing wrong with you is a lack of luck. Most of the time people luck into meeting someone. If someone isn't willing to get to know you on a friend level because of how you look you don't need them as a friend and I'm a very firm believer that friends are the best people to end up falling in love with. Sometimes it happens love first, but if you aren't friends and able to just hang out, then what point is there to being together? I hope you find your luck soon. We all need someone to turn to on the bad days... even if the smile only lasts a few minutes. And if there's something wrong with you because you get really emotional over nothing sometimes I know a lot of other people with the same problem, myself included. Earlier I got very angry and then balled my eyes out because my hair is knotted and Eric was rushing my trying to shower. As a girl you are going to get emotional sometimes. Guys do it too... they just are better at hiding it.
flamingfemme
Nov. 19th, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC)
So, now that you're mobile again, when are you going to come visit me? :D I can't really help with the clothes thing, but make-up, I know. :) And I have tons of it. So, you should come over soon so we can play with cosmetics. LOL
*hugs*
Love you bunches, miss you more. :)
flamingfemme
Nov. 19th, 2010 07:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are perfect, just the way you are. One thing I have learned, though, is that you are most likely to find your soul mate/life partner/whatever when you get to the point that you are content with being by yourself because you love yourself. And I mean truly LOVE yourself, the person you are, and all that makes you You. Nobody gets there at the same age, and sometimes you need friends, family, or even a therapist to help you get there, but you WILL get there. :) In the meantime, try to focus on the fact that you are blessed with many people who love you for you. :) Call me, whenever, wherever, if you need to talk - I'm here for ya, Babe.
*big hugs*
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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